Feb 21, 2013; Indianapolis, IN, USA; Seattle Seahawks general manager John Schneider speaks at a press conference during the 2013 NFL Combine at Lucas Oil Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Brian Spurlock-USA TODAY Sports

John Schneider’s Draft Strategy Revealed!


Have you ever wondered how John Schneider has been able to acquire so much talent for the Seahawks through the draft and yet always have his drafts universally hated by draft pundits? Your wonderment is over. Through advanced statistics and complicated computer modeling, I have managed to reverse-engineer his methods.

And so, I present to you John Schneider’s strategy for being awesome on draft day, while still managing to get every draft pundit to think he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

Round 1

Strategy: Trade down at least once, then draft a player that has Pro Bowl potential but that every draft pundit will think should have gone in round two or three. Consider playing a drinking game in which everyone drinks whenever a pundit says the team didn’t get “value,” but decides otherwise because alcohol poisoning is serious business.

Examples: DE Bruce Irvin, OG James Carpenter.

Alternative: Skip the “round 2/3″ drama and just draft franchise cornerstones like Russell Okung and Earl Thomas.

Round 2

Strategy: Continue to anger draft pundits by picking players “too early.” Make sure they have Pro Bowl potential. Sit back and laugh at the silly comments made by said draft pundits.

Examples: WR Golden Tate, MLB Bobby Wagner.

Alternative: None yet.

Round 3

Strategy: Throw the pundits a bone and draft a player they like. Just make sure that player never develops into anything special so the draft pundits will still look stupid after the fact anyways. This pick can also be traded  since any player that is taken under this plan is replaceable anyway.

Examples: OG John Moffitt.

Alternative: Troll the entire NFL by taking a franchise QB well after any should be available. Watch Mel Kiper’s head explode.

Round 4

Strategy: Take a flyer on a high potential player that will never work out and will be off the roster before their second season begins. The only way to keep a reputation for not understanding the draft “process” is if you miss once in a while. This is a good spot to do so.

Examples: LB EJ Wilson, WR Kris Durham.

Alternative: Draft a solid roll player with high potential (Walter Thurmond, Robert Turbin). Not all 4th round picks can be busts, or the pundits will catch on to the the plan.

Round 5

Strategy: Draft an All-Pro cornerback or a Pro Bowl safety that the rest of the NFL thought wasn’t good enough. Sit there, smile, and revel in your own brilliance.

Examples: CB Richard Sherman, SS Kam Chancellor.

Alternative: If you  haven’t drafted your fourth round bust yet, get it in now (Mark Legree, Korey Toomer).

Round 6

Strategy: Follow up the fifth round success by drafting more solid players who’ll provide depth on the team. There is no concern about messing with the draft pundits anymore, since most have never heard of any of the players in this portion of the draft.

Examples: Byron Maxwell, Jeremy Lane.

Alternative: none.

Round 7

Strategy: Continue to find high-ceiling players capable of helping the team in the sort-term as well as the long-term.

Examples: Greg Scruggs, Malcolm Smith, Dexter Davis.

Alternative: If the draft pundits haven’t been messed with enough to this point, draft a player with the intention of moving them to a position that they’ve never played before. Make sure that players have a high potential at their new position (JR Sweezy).

And there you have it. John Schneider’s masterful plan has been revealed for the entire world to see. Doesn’t this picture look like someone who’s had their secrets exposed?


Tags: John Schneider Seattle Seahawks

  • Hanley H. Bonynge

    Mel Kiper’s hair would absorb all brain matter that may be ejected on explosion.

    • http://Allcougdup.com/ All Coug’d Up

      Then he could save about $1,800 a year on hair products, due to the permanent nature of the damage. LOL

    • 12thMan_Rising

      that would make said explosion a lot less satisfying.

  • Scott Collier

    And it’s all wrapped up in a very well played bluff just to make it fun!