The best NFL Mock Draft ever!
By Keith Myers
An NFL Mock Draft that contains no college players. Why would anyone draft Jared Goff when Donald Trump and Dora the Explorer on still on the draft board?
This time of year, one out of every three articles posted on the web is some sort of NFL Mock Draft. Sadly, all of them only have the teams selecting college players. That seems like a horribly way to build a brand image.
If it were me, I’d be using my first round pick on Elon Musk for that way he’d have to give me a Tesla. I’m mean seriously, why would you draft Carson Wentz when Batman is still available. It doesn’t make any sense.
Let’s show the interwebz what a real mock draft looks like.
1. Los Angeles Rams
TE. None. Kim Kardashian . 1. player. 51. The Rams will do anything to help them win over the LA market, even dealing with this massive train wreck
2. Philadelphia Eagles
54. Wright’s wildcats won a title, and the Eagles could use someone who knows what a trophy looks like.. C. Villanova. Jay Wright . 2. player
3. San Diego Chargers
13. The Chargers are hoping that drafting Gates will get him to buy them a new stadium.. PC. Microsoft. Bill Gates . 3. player
4. Dallas Cowboys
player. 123. They say you can’t buy a championship, but Jerry Jones is determined to keep trying.. RB. Oklahoma. Adrian Peterson . 4
5. Jacksonville Jaguars
RB. The Jungle. Dora the Explorer . 5. player. 52. Hopefully Dora can find Jacksonville their first winning season in what feels like 400 years.
6. Baltimore Ravens
6. player. 26. The Ravens need more power up front, and you don’t get more powerful that the commander of the largest army on the planet.. P. White House. Barak Obama
7. San Francisco 49ers
player. 42. Who would have guessed that Harbaugh was actually the sane one in San Francisco?. Guru. Michigan. Jim Harbaugh . 7
8. Cleveland Browns
None. Lebron James . 8. player. 53. The entire city of Cleveland can’t do anything without first asking Lebron if it is ok. There is no way they could possibly draft someone else in this spot.. SF
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
player. 48. Tampa selects someone with a sigular focus on stopping the white whale… I mean… the RB.. ILB. The Sea. Captain Ahab . 9
10. New York Giants
Harvard. Robert Oppenheimer . 10. player. 31. It might be time to just blow the whole thing up and start over.. Dr
11. Chicago Bears
57. Jordan is the only one who has been able to win a title in Chicago in 30 years. The Bears desperately need him.. SG. North Carolina. Michael Jordan . 11. player
12. New Orleans Saints
Lou Rawls . 12. player. 15. NOLA is known for their music scene, and the there were few better than this late Jazz icon.. RB. Awesomeness
13. Miami Dolphins
59. They can’t beat him, so they might as well try to steal him.. QB. Michigan. Tom Brady . 13. player
14. Oakland Raiders
28. He discovered the Bay Area as a European explorer, maybe he can discover how to get the Raiders back into the playoffs.. S. Unknown. Gaspar de Portolà . 14. player
15. Tennessee Titans
player. 35. If there was ever a square peg that could fit in a round hole, it would be this guy.. none. Boating. Spongebob Squarepants . 15
16. Detroit Lions
player. 50. “Please come back Megatron. We still love you!”. WR. GIT. Calvin Johnson . 16
17. Atlanta Falcons
player. 44. Atlanta is hoping that this bat villain can turn Matt Ryan back into Matty Ice.. DE. Antarctica. Mr. Freeze . 17
18. Indianapolis Colts
He’s terrible on the field, but he has all the hook-ups needed for the next time Jim Irsay want to have one of his wild benders.. QB. Texas A&M. Johnny Manziel . 18. player. 46
19. Buffalo Bills
player. 16. The starship captain is the only person with a big enough ego to compete with Rex Ryan.. C. Enterprise. James T. Kirk . 19
20. New York Jets
20. player. 30. The Jets love to do things that get them publicity. Drafting the loud mouthed presidential hopeful will definitely get people talking.. QB. Trump Unversity. Donald Trump
21. Washington Redskins
22. Houston Texans
player. 10. Everything is bigger in Texas, especially the hyperbole.. OLB. Stanford. Paul Bunyan . 22
23. Minnesota Vikings
All. Purple Rain. Prince . 23. player. 60. It is hard to believe he’s actually gone. RIP
24. Cincinnati Bengals
He might be super creepy looking, but at least the Bengals will be well fed when they lose in the Wild Card round of the playoff this year.. RB. Burger U. The Burger King . 24. player. 56
25. Pittsburgh Steelers
player. 55. The Steelers bring in someone who is experienced in fighting pirates as they attempt to stay on top the sports scene in Pittsburgh. K. Neverland. Peter Pan . 25
26. Seattle Seahawks
36. Bringing him in led to a Super Bowl last time; what could possibly go wrong?. WR. Florida. Percy Harvin . 26. player
27. Green Bay Packers
27. player. 49. The Packers continue to try to corner the market on cheeseheads.. DT. McDonalds. Mayor McCheese
28. Kansas City Chiefs
Waldo . 28. player. 124. He’d be a perfect choice, but only if you can find him.. None. All
29. Arizona Cardinals
player. 32. How long until Carson Palmer is hurt again? And Kurt Warner isn’t walking through that door.. QB. Northern Iowa. Kurt Warner . 29
30. Carolina Panthers
None. The NFL Play60 kid . 30. player. 87. He’s already the favorite player of Cam Newton’s mom.. QB
31. Denver Broncos
45. Yes Mr. Elway. Of course you can draft yourself Mr. Elway.. QB. University of John Elway. John Elway . 31. player
New England forfeited their draft pick for deflating footballs, costing them the chance to draft someone who would help them deflate footballs.