Twenty Things to do Before the Seahawks Start Training Camp
Like many of you, I am suffering from pre-training camp depression and am also often at a loss for things to write about. So I decided to make a list of activities that would help kill time for the next month or so. Feel free to add your suggestions in the comments section and enjoy.
- Make every single one of these.
- Write a thesis paper on why the economic model used by the NFL should be used by the whole world.
- Patch the Tarvaris Jackson inspired holes in my wall created during last season.
- Put foam padding on objects routinely thrown in anger and celebration during games.
- Bake cookies, deliver, and ask for forgiveness from neighbors offended by obscenities yelled during last season.
- Sound-proof doors, windows, and basically entire apartment to prevent future offending.
- Brew enough beer to last through season.
- Make enough jerkey (of various sorts) to last through season.
- Learn meditation and proper anger management methods to be used during games.
- Learn flower arrangement.
- Assemble shrine to the 12th Man and Pete Carroll/John Schneider; both of which may or may not be desecrated and rebuilt many times during the season.
- Order new 12th Man flag to replace one that was lost during a storm.
- Prepare Christmas cards to be air-dropped on San Francisco after the Seahawks beat the Niners in prime time in October.
- Preemptively apologize for all false promises made, and consequently not kept, to a variety of deities and sky-gods during tense and critical moments of a game.
- Teach my dog to do this. (Also yet another reason dogs are better than cats.)
- Read all the books I intend to read during the season but know I will never get around to.
- Catch up on season two of Boardwalk Empire and Tremé.
- Watch all previous seasons of Breaking Bad in preparation for the final season.
- Create a liquid form of Skittles to be mainlined when Beast Mode takes place.
- Decide whose jersey to get when I am in Seattle in August.