Divisonal Playoff Preview – Naked Gun 2 1/2


Dec 29, 2013; Seattle, WA, USA; Seattle Seahawks outside linebacker Malcolm Smith (53) dunks the ball over the goal post after scoring a touchdown during the first half against the St. Louis Rams at CenturyLink Field. Mandatory Credit: Steven Bisig-USA TODAY Sports

Do you find yourself giddy with nervous excitement?  Are there knots in your stomach as a result of the anticipation?  Have you listened to more sports radio in the last week than you have in the last year?  Well, that my friends is what’s known as playoff syndrome and hopefully you only had those symptoms and not the hacking cough and 101 fever that I’ve been dealing with lately.  I blame it on the Hawks keeping my emotions high all year and then with the relaxation of the bye week my immune system had finally succumbed.  But we’re back on the road to health and not a moment too soon as our Fighting Birds of Renton take their first step towards the ultimate goal of bringing home a Lombardi Trophy.  We started off the season with the original (and that worked out pretty well) so let’s start off the playoffs with the 2nd installment of Frank Drebin and his Police Squad antics.

“Your coat, sir? Yes, it is. And I have the receipt to prove it.”: While it may not be Winter Blast 2014 on Saturday, it may definitely be Winter Monsoon 2014 so have your proper attire ready.  It’s looking like it’s going to rain pretty hard for the pre-game, maybe let up for the game itself, but only to be replaced by a pretty gusty wind.  Hmmm…let’s think here.  What kind of offensive attack is usually best in the wind and rain?  Could it be a punishing running game?  Might the Seahawks have the edge there?  Yes…yes.

“…blowing away a fleeing suspect with my 44 magnum used to mean everything to me, I enjoyed it, well who wouldn’t?”: I thought being part of the 12th Man meant most everything to the 67,000 gathered at each game this year and yet, the last two games I have to say that edge and that timing just hasn’t been there.  I know we have it in us, as we all saw for the San Francisco game and the first Saints game.  We set records and caused seismic activity.  What we are going to need on Saturday is a repeat of the 2005 NFC Championship game.  For those who weren’t there, it was truly an amazing game to be a part of.  You had your mouth open and it felt like you were yelling, but you couldn’t hear anything come out because those around you had already drowned out your roar.  It wasn’t just that we were loud though.  It was when we were loud.  Carolina couldn’t get plays called because we were absolutely deafening when they were in the huddle, not just when they were at the line of scrimmage.  That’s the kind of sound and timing I’m talking about that’s been missing the last few games.

“What’s that smell? Oh, that would be me. I’ve been swimming in raw sewage. I love it!”: Then there’s the fan base known as the Who Dat Nation.  Some of their best and brightest have been calling KJR this week complaining about how the Seahawks fan base and organization are classless and cocky.  Classless?  Is that really the word you want to use considering your head coach and parts of your coaching staff were suspended last year after offering money to injure players?  Cocky?  Ok, that may be.  Just like 99 percent of the players in the NFL, I imagine.  You don’t get to this level without having supreme confidence in yourself.

“Lieutenant Drebin, I don’t recall your name on the guest list. No need to be embarrassed, I sometimes go by my maiden name.”:  Well, well, well, look who’s coming to the party.  William Percival Harvin III.  Just when the Seahawks needed an ace up their sleeve the most, there’s Percy Harvin ready to raise the bet.  You could almost hear the relief in Pete Carroll’s voice today when he announced that Percy would be playing on Saturday.  Not relief that he was playing.  No, the relief was more that he’s been asked that damned question 2,445 times this year and he was ecstatic that it wouldn’t be 2,446.  If there was any wind in the Saints sails, that news evaporated it.  The very small appetizer we got in the Minnesota game was enough to get this fan base absolutely ravenous with thoughts of what Percy can do if he’s given the chance on Saturday.

“This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements here: one, guns to be thrown down; two, come on out!”: Hawks, it’s vital that you remember the two key elements here: one, Brees to be thrown down; two, Russell to be unleashed.  If we go back to the Monday Night game, Brees was under siege all night and while it only resulted in 1 sack and 1 forced fumble, he was having to get rid of the ball much sooner than he wanted to which prevented the 10+ yard crossing routes they love to throw in the Superdome.  That kind of defensive pressure must be duplicated.  Then on the other side, Russell was on fire.  I mean, 310 yards, three TD’s. Nine different receivers caught a pass.  Rob Ryan sent blitzes on an almost constant basis and Russell picked that defense apart.  We’re going to need a repeat of that performance not only from Wilson, but also the offensive line.

“The truth hurts, doesn’t it, Hapsburg? Oh sure, maybe not as much as landing on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts!”: The truth hurts, doesn’t it New Orleans?  The truth being that this stadium is a house of horrors for you.  See Exhibit A, the Beast Quake from the 2010 playoffs.  You thought having to play that game was beneath you given that you were Super Bowl champions and we were a 7-9 team that should never have even been in the playoffs.  Then, there’s Exhibit B, the Monday Night game this year.  Everyone billed it as the ultimate showdown for home-field advantage.  That was a butt-whoopin’ that sent you guys into a tailspin that almost cost you a playoff spot.  Go ahead and feel confident that now you can win on the road because you finally got your first road playoff win in franchise history.  Just remember that was against Napoleon Dynamite and a first year head coach.  Our quarterback has more skills and our coach has been around the block just once before.

“Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night? He’s Caucasian.  Caucasian? Yeah, you know, a white guy. A moustache. About six-foot-three.  Awfully big moustache.”: Yep, the playoff beard is coming in nicely.  The Hawks help keep it from being shaved off this week.

Seahawks 31, Saints 20