12th Man Rising
FanSided

Inside the Marshawn Lynch Negotiations……Sorta

By Richard Riley

facebooktwitterreddit

Jun 17, 2014; Renton, WA, USA; Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch (24) talks with a teammate during minicamp at the Virginia Mason Athletic Center. Mandatory Credit: Joe Nicholson-USA TODAY Sports

As many of you probably did not notice, I hadn’t written a new post in a few days. This was because I was able to bribe a guard at the Virginia Mason Athletic Center in order to listen to Pete Carroll, John Schneider and Marshawn Lynch. It was quite easy to bribe the guard. He only wanted a meatball sub and a letter delivered. I asked him if he was OK, to which he whispered: “Pete won’t let me leave. I’m hungry.” About the letter: “I want my wife to know I’m OK”.

Rough.

I set up my listening device toward the “Pete’s The Awesomeness Guy Ever” conference room, Friday morning at 6:18am. Finally at 11:23am I hear Pete enter the room. Here’s the transcript:

Pete Carroll (PC): Cindy! Cindy!! (I barely hear a female voice but Pete is clear) Is today Friday, Cindy? It is? Then why is last weeks painting of me still up? Tell Ramondo to paint new one! F#%*!!

More from 12th Man Rising

John Scneider (JS) enters: Hey kitten.

PC: Meow

Marshawn Lynch (ML) enters: O M G!! Guys! I have a story for you……..

PC (whispers): This guy never shuts up.

JS: Then what Beast?!

PC: Guys! I have a pedicure at 1 so lets do this. Beast we’re ready to pay you this much over 3 years.

ML: Um, equivalent please.

PC: Sigh…..about 18-million boxes of Skittles.

JS: Yummy yummy Skitties Beastie Boy!!

ML: You can have have some, Jim.

JS: (nervous laugh) John.

PC: Beast! Focus! We’ve met all your demands except one. We just can’t fulfill your request. So what do you say?

ML & JS: (soft giggles)

PC: Stop texting each other! Guys c’mon! I’ve had it with this crap! Every day you two (JS sniffing)…….oh boy, John….John don’t cry. I’m sorry.

ML: (loud cry) YOU’RE SO MEAN TO JIM!

PC: All right. I’m sorry. I’m a little on edge lately because Snoop forgot to get me tickets to Kesha. She’s a delight.

ML & JS: True. True.

ML: Look, if you can’t meet my last demand, we’re done here.

JS: Sweetie? Sweetie. We tried. Obama said it’s too dangerous. A national security issue.

ML: Then ask that hottie he’s married to to do it. Either one, I don’t care.

PC: We need time, Beast.

ML: I’ll give you and Jerry one week.

JS: John

PC: Shut up Jerry! One week, got it.

ML: Shoot, my pen. Jack can you pick that up? Um, Jack? Why is there a green and yellow G on the back of your thong?

JS: Oh, you like?! Mike and Aaron got it for me. Aaron has one on his left cheek and low back.

ML: Why not the right?

JS: He’s afraid of the right side.

Possibly Cindy: Mr Carroll, Will Ferrell on line 2. It seems urgent.

PC: (beep) Look Will, for the last time, I won’t take part in your Funny or Die skit about that last play call. GOODBYE!

PC: Beast. Remember. Christie Michael can take over if you don’t want to play.

All 3: AAAA HAHAHAHA!

ML: Good one, man! See ya Barry.

JS: Well now he’s just trying to hurt me.

PC: See ya next week John.

JS: Later kitten.

And that was the meeting. 15-minutes of…..well, I’m not sure. I wonder what Lynch wants. I wonder if Pete’s painting got done. Kitten??

GO HAWKS!

More from 12th Man Rising

Home/Seattle Seahawks News