12th Man Rising
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How to name your fantasy football team

By Keith Myers

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So you’ve decided to play fantasy football again this year. Good. Now it’s time to make the most important decision you’ll have to make for your fantasy team. No, I’m not talking about who you’ll draft with your first pick; the most important decision you’ll make is what to name your fantasy football team.

A good fantasy football team name has four basic qualities:

  1. Has a player from your favorite team in it
  2. Contains an obnoxious pun
  3. Makes you smile when you see it
  4.  Makes everyone else roll their eyes

If you can come up with a name that does all of those things, then you’re set. It doesn’t even matter if your fantasy team is any good at that point. Trust me, you’ll have already won where it really counts.

Take my team from last season as an example. Marshawn of the Dead did reasonably well despite my constant bad start/sit decisions. (I’m like the Aaron Curry of fantasy football players; no instincts). In the end, it didn’t matter that the team only finished in 5th place. That team won just by existing.

To help you get the idea, I came up with a few examples. Since this is a Seattle Seahawks site, all of these are Seahawks theme’d. Fans of other teams can deal with it.

  • Chancellor Kam and at the ministry of pain
  • Aint easy being Sweezy
  • Behind the wood-Shead
  • Insert mind-Glow-ing pun here
  • Heart-shaped Lockett (or Lockette)
  • The Kearse of Jermaine
  • My team’s been Kearsed
  • I don’t give a Schwenke
  • Even I’m taller than Russell Wilson
  • Wilson and Willson, attorneys at law
  • Calvin and Dobbs
  • The Wright stuff
  • Cillin’ by the Poole
  • As bright as a Coleman lantern
  • Nothing rhymes with Hauschka
  • How do you spell Ahtyba?
  • Gwacham, the other Marsh brother
  • The Marshawn and Quayshawn show
  • Just Staten that my team sucks
  • Who’s Jimmy?
  • I’m Bald-win and beautiful
  • Area 29, a no fly zone
  • The Earl of Boom
  • Alvin (Bailey) and the Chipmunks
  • Will the real Williams please stand up
  • The real (Anthony) McCoy
  • This Justin, the 49ers suck
  • Other Pete’s players (you down with OPP)
  • What Deshon Foxx say? (Hiyiyiyiyi)
  • Cassius odit mea quadrigis (This says “Cassius hates my team” in Latin)
  • ComPETE, RePETE, 3PETE

I also made the mistake of asking twitter for some ideas.

Got your own favorite you’d like to add? leave it in the comments below.

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