The Story about the Truth about Richard Sherman
A few weeks ago, Seth Wickersham wrote an article about discord in the Seahawks locker room, and yet when Richard Sherman spoke to the media, he disputed everything Wickersham had to say. I was very confused by all this, so I decided to go interview the source. To protect the guilty, all sources will remain anonymous of course.
The flight from Phoenix to Seattle is long, uncomfortable and boring, but my sleuthing skills would not be deterred by these trivial barriers. I made my way back to Seattle, and after asking around, I discovered that the Seahawks facility lay in Renton along Lake Washington. Anonymous sources described this innocent seeming facility as a cover for a more sinister purpose, and told me to look for a secret entrance into the top-secret Seahawks bunker.
After many hours in the dead of night snooping around the VMAC, I finally uncovered the hidden entrance to the Seahawks bunker. I pulled the secret lever, cleverly disguised as Tamia, and made my way down the ladder into the bowels of the Seahawk bunker. I was arrested immediately by the guards. What, you thought they’d leave it unprotected? After hours of torture, top Seahawks brass determined I was a true fan, with no ill intentions and only the good of the team in my heart.
After the brass learned my intentions, they happily conveyed me to anonymous sources to learn and reveal the truth to the world. The first thing I learned is that internally Seth Wickersham is simply known as “Sham”. “The world must know the truth!”, one highly placed anonymous source exclaimed. The next few days would be an eye-opening experience for me.
Richard Sherman, Russell Wilson, and brotherly love
The highly placed anonymous source brought me to a video room, and swore me to secrecy. “This can never get out,” he told me. “The truth is, Russell (Wilson) and Richard (Sherman) are best friends. Sometimes, the emotion they share brings them to tears. They will sit, and hug, and cry in each other’s arms after watching a particularly inspiring play that one or the other made last week.” The truth about Super Bowl XLIX is another closely guarded secret.
Super Bowl XLIX
“Russell was sobbing. He was inconsolable,” the anonymous source told me. “‘I let you guys down. It was our destiny to win, but we lost because of me. It’s all my fault!'” The intel I received indicates that Richard Sherman was the one who healed the breach. Tears welling up in his eyes, he made his way over to his friend. “It’s not your fault Russ. You made the play, it’s just stupid bad luck. That throw would have won the Super Bowl.” The rest of the team surrounded the pair, crying and hugging.
Trading Richard Sherman
“There’s one more thing you need to know,” the source informs me. “The trade for Richard Sherman? It was never going to happen. New England offered us their 1st round picks in 2017, 2018, 2019 and conditional second round picks in 2017, 2018, 2019 and 2020. John (Schneider) brought Richard in to discuss the trade with him.”
“Rich, we just can’t lose you!” Schneider told him.
“Let me think about this, John.” Richard said. “I think we can turn this to our advantage. What if we let it ‘leak’ that there’re trade offers? Then we could send our spies over and find out how badly they need a cornerback, and if Marshawn (Lynch) fails his mission to eliminate the evil empire in the AFC championship game, then we’d have some ideas what to do next.”
Super Bowl LII
Just before I left the magical confines of the VMAC, I discovered a secret entrance into John Schneider’s office. There is a large grandfather clock in that office, and I discovered that I could see and hear everything that happened in the office from that location. Richard was in the office talking to the enigmatic leader of the organization. “John, I guarantee we’ll win this time,” he said. “I won’t allow them to be in a position to get an interception at the goal line this time. If I have to, I’ll intercept him 8 times.”
Schneider looked thoughtful. “Can you guarantee a win Richard? The future of our franchise rests on it. We MUST win that Lombardi Trophy!”
“I guarantee it, John. It will be back in your office by February.”