Best headlines that never happened with current Seahawks

SEATTLE, WA - JANUARY 18: Doug Baldwin
SEATTLE, WA - JANUARY 18: Doug Baldwin /

The Seahawks world is full of serious moments. Why not take a different look before the season starts?

The inspiration for this (most likely horrible) article started with a headline I misread about the Seahawks’ Richard Sherman. What I read was, “Richard Sherman to hold largest backpack ever.” Admittedly, I was kind of excited about reading this piece. First, the largest backpack ever has to be huge, right? Secondly, what in the world was Sherman doing with it? (Apologies to Lindsey Wisniewski of Seahawks Wire who wrote the actual column about Sherman giving away backpacks.)

I also misread Seattle PI’s Michael-Shawn Dugar’s column on Seattle’s plan for a backup quarterback as “What is the Seahawks backpack plan?” Clearly, I need to go to REI and get something new for the laptop.

Here’s another: “Seahawks have enough talent to manure effective passing game.” The article actually said “manufacture” instead of manure, but I had to read the heading three times before I could get myself to believe what I thought I was reading was not the truth. Of course, the real title is a bit clunky. Manure would still be worse, but funnier. Maybe re-written as, “Seattle poo poo’s idea that passing game not good”?

About Kenny Easley’s induction into Seattle’s Ring of Honor from NBC Sports I misread, “Kenny Easley’s feud with Seahawks ends with One Ring induction.” For a bit I thought Easley had the power to rule them all. Maybe he really does. But the article has nothing to do with Lord of the Rings. Sadly.

Lastly, the Washington State Department of Transportation had a blog about how 12s can now celebrate Blue Friday on the ferries. I misread this as, “Seahawks Blue Friday playoff fever comes to Fairies.” I initially felt bad for the fairies and wondered what sort of sickness had descended upon them to give them a fever. I then realized the blog was about boats, not flying mystical creatures.

Maybe I simply cannot read.