Five things to do on Super Sunday when you hate both teams
The Seahawks aren’t playing, so there’s no reason to watch football on Super Sunday, is there? We have some better ways for you to spend your evening.
The Seahawks aren’t in the Super Bowl, alas. That’s okay, there are a lot of reasons to think they’ll be back soon. In the meantime, what can you do on Super Sunday when you’re stuck with a game between two of the worst teams in the world. I don’t mean worst like the 2008 Detroit Lions or the 2017 Cleveland Browns. I mean worst like the Los Angeles Rams are our biggest rival, and the New England Patriots are the spawn of Satan. See, I hate them so much I didn’t even link to their team pages.
Okay, hate is a strong word. I don’t hate the Rams. They have a bright young coach in Sean McVay. They have some terrific players, like Aaron Donald and Todd Gurley. Their throwback unis look pretty cool. Hmmm…what else? Oh, I know! The video of Jim Rome calling former Rams quarterback Jim Everett Chris always make me laugh. So I guess the Rams aren’t completely awful.
As for the Patriots…yeesh. I grew up a Dolphins fan, so I have an ingrained hatred – okay, extremely severe dislike – for New England. I dislike them so much, I feel that Aaron Hernandez was a natural fit for the team. Bill Belichick is a proven cheater – or are we supposed to believe he would willingly pay the NFL a $500,000 dollar fine if he was truly innocent? Plus there’s the snowplow game, manipulating the injured reserve list, deflated footballs – here, just check off the list for yourself. Patriots fans say it’s sour grapes and jealousy, but I’m pretty sure the NFL doesn’t levy fines, take away draft picks, and change league rules because they’re jealous.
I’ll admit, I am tired of seeing the same team playing in what’s become the New England Invitational. All the more reason to skip Super Sunday in my book. Or, maybe make it your own! It may be late, but there’s still plenty of time to rescue your evening. Here are some cool ways to take Super Sunday back from the supervillains.
Watch the Super Ads without the Super Game
It’s estimated that as much as a third of the audience for the Super Bowl watches the game strictly for the ads. If you’re in that camp but don’t want to suffer through the Rams and Patriots, just check here for all the ads released so far. Hey, if CBS feels okay about putting out a compilation of ads for the game they’ll be airing, I’m okay with reporting it!
Watch the Kitten Bowl and Puppy Bowl and go “oooo” a lot
Mea culpa, this is too late to catch the live action. So please, no wagering. The sixth annual Kitten Bowl aired live on the Hallmark Channel at 2pm Eastern, but will be rebroadcast at 5 pm. Okay, now I’m not sure if it’s the sixth or the fourth, because wired.com lists it as “Kitten Bowl IV” but describes it as the sixth of the series. See, I told you Roman numerals are bad!
The Puppy Bowl – and I’ll trust their listing as XV as the fifteenth – aired at 3pm Eastern on Animal Planet. It will undoubtedly be repeated endlessly, or can be streamed on their website. Pretty sure this is how Cruella de Vil started her fixation on fur, so keep your wits about you.
Make it Family Night and watch a great movie
Mom, Dad, the kids would probably be thrilled to see you do something other than watch football on a Sunday. Or if they’re fans, think of it as your sacred duty to protect them from exposure to evil. Here are just a few great family flicks you can stream tonight:
On Netflix: The Incredibles 2; The Little Prince; Coco; Mary and the Witch’s Flower; Mulan. I have seen each of these, and highly recommend any of them.
On Prime Video: The Dark Crystal; The Black Stallion; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990); The Last Unicorn; The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad. Again, I personally recommend any of these.
On Hulu: Shrek; Chicken Run; The Neverending Story; Babe; Beetlejuice. Same story, all of these are great. Beetlejuice might be a bit much for younger kids, though.
Make it a real Family Night and play a game
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Let me start out by saying, that if your kids are old enough, there is no better game in the world than Cards Against Humanity. However, they better be pretty mature, and you need to be prepared for massive embarrassment. On second thought, save that one for the grown-ups. My kids are both over 25, and I was a bit terrified to play it with them.
There are plenty of standbys beginning with a simple deck of cards. You know, the ones with a bicyclist on the back? Reach back to your memories of summer camp, hanging out with cousins, or maybe detention if that’s your speed. Your bound to recall any number of games, from Rummy to Crazy Eights. If nothing else, you can always play War, then ask the kids if they’ve ever played 52 Pickup.
Every house in America should have either a Scrabble board, a Yahtzee set, or a Monopoly game. If not, run to Target, Walmart, or preferably a local vendor, and pick up a game or two. You can bring home a pizza on your way back. You’ll be a hero to your kids. Plus you can snarf down a few extra pepperonis on your way back. Make Super Sunday your day!
Have a staring contest
Admittedly, this would be at the bottom of my list but I thought I’d get it out of the way. It still beats the possibility of seeing Belichick win another title, so I’m keeping it ready in case I get bored with everything else. I will say it’s more fun with a mirror, though. You may suddenly realize that mole on your right cheek moved to your left and save your life by getting a checkup in the morning. Until you realize you were looking in a mirror, and everything was reversed. And you now wonder why you trusted some guy who writes about the Seahawks for medical advice.
Make voodoo dolls
You really need to get busy on this one, sorry. For the sake of time, I’ve included a video on how to make sock puppets from Parents magazine.
Follow the instructions, but use blue socks. All you need are a couple of blue socks. Come on, everyone has blue socks. For the Rams, eat a banana, then tie part of the peel around your sock puppet. For the Patriots, squirt some ketchup on the sock. Blood will undoubtedly create a stronger spell, but it’s messy and your kids may cry if they see you stabbing your thumb with a pin. Yes, if ketchup works for the Patriots then mustard should work for the Rams. I just hate the smell of mustard. Do what you gotta do.
Next. Silly, not stupid, predictions for the Super Bowl. dark
Now that you have your voodoo doll – you did write the number 12 on the red and blue one, right? Anyway, now that you have them ready, randomly jab your doll with the pin you most certainly did not use to draw your own blood. The charm would be even more effective if you jab at specific times – say, as Ndamukong Suh winds up to smash his cleats on Rob Gronkowski’s back, accidentally of course. In that case, jab both dolls. Have fun on Super Sunday!