Stupid predictions for Super Bowl 53

Super Bowl LIII will be played on Sunday between the Rams and the Patriots. Here are things that probably won’t happen but I think they might anyway.

Hello, fellow football fans. Sunday is the Super Bowl and that makes the day a near-holiday in the United States. Oh, the NFL wants you to think the rest of the world cares too, but they don’t. If Super Bowl LIII included Lionel Messi then sporting fans the world over might watch. But Messi isn’t playing.

I have a list here of dumb predictions, mostly because I am kind of dumb. One of them is not that Messi will somehow come into the game in the fourth quarter to replace an injured Tom Brady and lead the Patriots to a win. Although, that would be cool. Except that I don’t want the Patriots to win. Or the Rams either, for that matter. One of them has to, sadly.

I am also not predicting a tie because Bud Selig is not the commissioner of the NFL. Or that the Seahawks will find a way to win, which I wish would happen. But here are five actual predictions. Kind of.

5. The Patriots will get up big by halftime only to see the Rams come back

The Patriots seem to have a lot of momentum coming into the game. Though Brady says a lot of people did not think New England was as talented in previous seasons and most thought the Patriots had no chance to win the Super Bowl, he’s kind of full of it by saying that. Who do you know that said the Patriots aren’t as good as they ever are?

Still, the AFC was kind of weak-sauce and each team that the Patriots have faced in the playoffs had some huge weakness, like the Chiefs and their defense. Seattle knows well how much Kansas City’s defense was not good.

But the Patriots believe in themselves and their offensive line has peaked. I think New England starts fast, just as they did against the Chargers and Chiefs and have a 17 point lead by half. The Rams will tighten the game in the second half, though, just as the Chiefs did against New England.

4. Sony Michel will have 150 yards rushing

The Patriots have been using Michel a lot in the playoffs. He had 24 carries against the Chargers and then 29 against the Chiefs. Expect more of the same against the Rams, though he will have more production. Los Angeles has been much better against the run in the playoffs, but Bill Belichick will find a way to move the ball on the ground. Michel should have 130 yards by the start of the third quarter and a couple of touchdowns.

3. Todd Gurley will play and play well

Whatever happened with Gurley in the Saints game was weird. Gurley is one of the best running backs in the NFL and can get yards rushing or receiving, but was mentally out of the game against New Orleans. I think Gurley has a good game in the Super Bowl, though, and he gets a lot of his early yards receiving instead of running. Gurley will be really good in the second half when the Rams are trying to play catch-up.

2. Aaron Donald gets three sacks and Ndamukong Suh will be bad

The problem with the Rams won’t be Donald. Donald may be the most talented player on the field between the two teams. But he won’t get help from Suh whose play is inconsistent. Against the Saints, Suh was very good with 1.5 sacks but he just isn’t great every game. Donald hasn’t had a sack in the playoffs so this makes him more dangerous as he will be even more motivated. Internal rush is how a team beats the Patriots. Donald gets home but Suh will not.

1. The Patriots will win their sixth Super Bowl

As I said, I think the Patriots get a big lead and then hold on for the win. Belichick will have his team better prepared than Sean McVay simply because of Belichick’s experience in big games. But McVay will make halftime changes to get his offense going. The Rams make it closer in the end, but the Patriots will win 38-33.