Marshawn Lynch themed iPhone “BeastRun” game is awesome, and awful
By Keith Myers
It was brought to my attention today that the iPhone app store has a Marshawn Lynch game. Upon hearing that news I waited all of about 14 seconds before downloading it. Most of that was trying to remember where I set my phone down last. BeastRun needed to be played.
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The goal is to guide Lynch through a field of obstacles to reach some destination that never seems to come no matter how long he keeps running. It is the longest 100-yard field in the history of 100-yard fields.
What is he trying to avoid as he runs down the field? Those aren’t would-be tacklers. He’d run right through them. Nope, the only thing capable of stopping the mighty Marshawn is members of the media.
Presumably, if Lynch gets too close a media member then he has to answer asinine questions and give cliche’d answers. No one wants that, especially Marshawn. So touch one and it is instantly “game over.” It is as if reporters are not-so-secretly Lynch’s kryptonite. That actually makes sense if you think about; just don’t think about it too hard.
The true purpose here is not to try and score a touchdown either. Oh no, that would make too much sense for a game that stars Lynch. No, the goal here is to try and collect as many skittles as possible.
That’s right. You’ve got Lynch, in a uniform and carrying a football, trying to pick up floor skittles while avoiding reporters. What’s not to love? Oh, and if you do mess up: BAM! Crotchgrab!
The game is surprisingly addicting considering that you’ll see everything there is to see within the first 15 seconds. Since there is no tutorial, you’ll have at least three game-overs in that 15 seconds too.
I can’t help but feel there were some missed opportunities with the game design. For example, the reporters are generic. Why not include local beat reporters like John Boyle, Liz Matthews or Tom Booth?
I also would have liked to see a bonus level where Lynch gets into the white Lamborghini. Then, instead of avoiding reporters, he tries to run over the idiot national blowhards like Bart Hubbach who constantly attack him.
That would have been awesome. I’ll hold out hope that it is included in the inevitable sequel, BeastRun 2: Skittlelicious.
Overall, I give it 6.5 out of a possible 10 Marshawns.
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