Why is it that so many NFL mascots are so damn creepy looking? This is especially true for the teams with human mascots, but some of the animal mascots are also creepy as all get out.
Sports comedy site Kissing Suzie Kolber put together power ranking for all the NFL’s mascots based on creepiness factor. This is peak NFL-offseason silliness, but the snark is so wonderfully crafted that it needs to be shared.
Blitz, the Seattle Seahawks mascot, is one of the cooler looking mascots in the NFL. I was a bit surprised when he wasn’t listed with Toro (Houston Texans), and Sir Purr (Carolina Panthers) as one of the least-creepy mascots in the league.
When I got to San Francisco’s Sourdough Sam (who is seriously creepy looking), and hadn’t seen Blitz, I figured there must have been a mistake.
Blitz was only a few spot higher, and was conveniently ranked at No. 12. That couldn’t have been a coincidence, right? When I read their description for why the placed him that high, it was tough to argue.
"Blitz has a knowing grin. He knows he has control over you. He knows you can’t run, and he knows you know you can’t run. He’s toying with you, letting you worry yourself down. That’s when the experiments begin."
I mean, just look at him. He’s not pointing to the crowd to give someone credit for something. He is simply picking out his next victim.
Feb 1, 2015; Glendale, AZ, USA; Seattle Seahawks mascot Blitz in Super Bowl XLIX at University of Phoenix Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Andrew Weber-USA TODAY Sports
Perhaps this is the real reason why Taima the Hawk attacked a fan last year. It was a just a warning. He was telling that fan that he better pay Blitz the protection money he owes before things get serious.
Just remember though, things could be worse. At least we don’t have to put up with Steely McBeam (Pittsburgh Steeler), Miles the pedophile horse-thing (Denver Broncos), or whatever the hell that San Diego Chargers mascot is supposed to be.
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