The Seattle Seahawks travel to Green Bay to take on the Packers. Wisconsin is a state where the weather seems to always be a big deal, though it is unclear why, or if that’ll be the case on Sunday.
Perhaps it is simply because nothing ever happens there. The entire state is so damn boring that a slight breeze or a little precipitation is suddenly the biggest freaking news of the day. Nothing says awesome in Wisconsin like opening up a newspaper and seeing the front page headline read: “Oh my god! is that FOG over the frozen tundra?”
Speaking of which, calling the stadium the “frozen tundra” is just stupid, since it is neither frozen nor tundra. It is freaking Kentucky bluegrass for crying out loud. Has no one ever taken a middle school Earth Science class? Do we have to review what tundra climate zone is for these people?
And how can you call it frozen when the team added a bazillion miles of radiant heating in the dirt with the purpose of keeping the ground from freezing? Now even in the middle of a blizzard the ground feels like a heated swimming pool.
Of course, unless an ice age begins in the next couple of days, it won’t even be cold out on Sunday. If one of the announcers calls the field the f-ing field “frozen” on Sunday I’m going to assume that the Packers have sold the naming rights of the field to Disney. If that’s the case, does that mean that we’ll see Olaf on the sidelines all season?
Instead, since it is too early for anything to freeze, the air in Wisconsin will be filled with bird-size mosquitos that attack in swarms and literally suck the life out anyone dumb enough to go outside without first bathing in Raid and then putting on kevlar armor.
Here in the PNW we have creatures that size too. They’re called hummingbirds and they’re a beautiful reminder of how blessed we are to live in the best portion of North America.
So while I go buy some mosquito repellent and chainmail for the game, here’s the weather forcast for Sunday night:
Sunny, 63 degrees with 7 mph winds