Seahawks adding Jimmy Garoppolo would be like buying a used car

The rumor mill never stops when it comes to Seahawks quarterbacks. The latest speculation centers on Jimmy Garoppolo, and it’s no more credible than me getting a third car. I checked my bank account, and it’s not happening this week.

Just to clarify, I’m not comparing Jimmy G to a used car. Not completely, anyway. What I am saying is that the Niners QB is just as likely to show up on the Seahawks sideline as an SUV from Carmax will appear in my garage. Especially since I don’t have a garage.

Okay, back to the Hawks. I don’t doubt that a discussion took place. John Schneider has said they discuss virtually every scenario and explore every possibility. That’s one reason he’s done such a great job in Seattle. Of course, they’ve discussed getting Garoppolo. That means nothing.

Let’s relate this to a domestic situation, though, for a better perspective. I imagine it would play out not too differently from this fever dream. The setting: 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. Our dramatis personae: Homer and Marge. Matt Groening would have made this 743 times better, but he won’t work for scale, so this is what you get.

Seahawks need Garoppolo like I need a 2014 Canyonero

“Homer, we already have one, and you just got that Road Runner a few months ago.”
“But Marge, Krusty is selling his Canyonero! I saw it on Burnslist, and -”
“You know perfectly well that he can’t keep that thing running, Homer. He’s got it in the shop almost as much as he drives it. And Ned said that Rod and Todd saw Krusty drive it into a pool. Twice.”
Homer grumbles… “Stupid Flanders! But Maaarge, it’s all dried out by now. And it’s a Canyonero! And when he’s got to running, it really purrs. Almost as nice as you on date night… Rowwrr!”
“Absolutely not, Homie! We have two perfectly good cars, and that’s that!”

Now that you survived that, I expect the conversation in Redmond went much the same. Like Krusty’s Canyonero, Jimmy G is flashy, expensive, and has a lot of miles. The Seahawks may not have a top-of-the-line QB, but that’s true. I’m not going to argue that either Geno Smith or Drew Lock is in the top ten in the league. But Jimmy G isn’t in the top ten, either. In fact, Smith ranked ahead of Garoppolo in completion, TD, INT percentage, and passer rating. Garoppolo was ahead in other categories, it’s true. But the difference between them in no way justifies the contract Garoppolo would get in 2023. If he can’t earn a huge contract for 2023, he isn’t worth signing in 2022. Peddle your used cars elsewhere.